Nea Kris

Let the pain flow


You Are Flawed. And So Are Your Heroes.

For the full picture, one person’s opinion might be not enough, so I want to introduce you to Steve, founder of Nerd Fitness, and to his philosophy of life improvement! I am part of Nerd Fitness Academy myself, so I know how hard this guy works and that he knows what he is talking about!
Here is one of his great articles about improving your life, taking responsibility and not shaming yourself.

Here are few moments that I would like to highlight from the article:

When we compare ourselves to the idealized, public facing versions of our heroes – be they a celebrity, a blogger, sports star, or writer – we feel like they’re so special and that we’re incapable of doing what they’ve done.

Wrong. Our heroes are just like our superheroes! They’re people with flaws and baggage and anxiety, and that’s what makes them both relatable and interesting.

It also means that we can learn from them. They ARE us.


The point I’m trying to make is this: Your heroes are not perfect robots. They have messed-up lives, crippling anxiety, depression, and baggage, just like you. And they have found a way to move forward and achieve their goals.


The difference between guilt and shame.

Whatever has happened to you in the past; whether it was something you did or something that was done to you, please understand the difference between guilt and shame – apply your thoughts to the action, not your identity:

“I ate an entire pizza today and sabotaged my diet this weekend. I am a failure and a waste of space.” = shame. Not healthy.

“I ate an entire pizza today and sabotaged my diet this weekend. I can’t believe I did that. That was stupid of me.” = guilt. Healthy (though still painful).

Guilt can be constructive and uncomfortable, while shame can be destructive and cause us serious damage. When we’re shameful of our behavior, it can cause us to feel even more shame, and thus seek more quick fixes, or avoid the problem, or sink even deeper into a hole, which we then get ashamed of as well.


As I said before, it might not be your fault that something has happened to you, but it’s time to realize that it’s your responsibility to deal with it. Mark Manson said it best in his book: “a baby showing up on your doorstep certainly isn’t your fault, but suddenly it’s your responsibility to deal with it.”


You have what you need. You don’t need somebody else’s permission to start. You can choose to stop being a victim. You can be your own hero. And we’re here to support you on that journey.

Full article is here:


I hurt myself today

We all know this song, I just changed words a little bit, to fit me more…


I cut myself today,
So see how much it hurts.
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real.
The blade sliced my skin,
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything.

What have I become,
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
But I am still here…


Just a night talk

Strong alcohol taste.
Yes, I am upset by feeling…
Day after day, week after week,
And even month after month.
Funny how life turns.

That is not about love, not anymore.
But betrayal?
Pain of betrayal – that’s what I can’t bear.
That pain is too real.
One day person is your everything,
Person who you can trust your life to,
And next day, this person is just an illusion –
Mist, fading in a sunlight.

All was a lie, all was in vain…
It was my mistake to be weak,
But YOU the one who stuck a knife in my back…
And I just turned around and said nothing.
I just cried, because pain was ripping me apart.
I guess… I just didn’t expect that.

That hurts more than a broken heart.
That’s the wound that doesn’t heal.
Knowledge that people can do THIS,
Knowledge that nothing is eternal,
That  you are always alone.

And now you are hiding from me…
Avoiding… even though I forgave you?
I forgave your blade in my freaking back!
I forgave all your lie, and now you can’t see me?
Because you promised to HER?
Or because you are afraid? Ashamed?
Strong taste of alcohol again…
Buzz…relaxing… my medicine.

You just don’t understand this feeling.
You don’t understand what are you keep doing to me,
Twisting blade, a little, like a child’s play.
You just don’t get it…
I so don’t want to hate you.
I resist this feeling for so long,
But you make it so hard,
Too hard…

Like I hold a gem in my hand,
And you are burning this hand,
Making me drop it in a dirt.
Strong taste of alcohol.
I need stronger…
I need stronger…..


Friend is better than foe. Revelation

I was thinking for a while if I should post it and if it was too much, but without personal examples it would seems too plain, so I decided to publish it anyways.
As I said on my front page – I want to share my journey and hopefully help others to heal. I already can say that I healed, mostly, but becoming THE person you want to be is more than just healing. Today I want to talk about connections, friends and foes. My mind might jump from place to place, but I will try to keep it straight. First of all, positive attitude always brings more benefits to you and people around you, unlike the negative one. As a former “queen of negativity”, I know how hard it is sometimes to believe in ANYTHING and see at least some light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve been there. Everything in front of my eyes were pitch black. Antidepressants helped me and self-confidence/ relationship training. Now I am not howling in pain. I am looking for ways to develop more, but I will tell about it some other time. Right now, I want to say that I am trying to be positive, especially towards other people. It is important to respect others, but never let them to disrespect you. Being nice, should not mean being weak or too soft, and that was one of my biggest challenges. Someone can say “it is easy to be nice to people, when they are nice to you! You are pretty, cheerful girl, from a good family, etc.” Even though it is true, there is always a dark side of the Moon. I’ve been through a lot, and my weak-niceness was a reason to many of my problems. I’ve been raped, I’ve been abused emotionally, I’ve been almost killed on my own couch, I was robbed by a close person, I’ve been betrayed by love of my life, I was watching him getting ready for a date, I was waiting him at night at home, while he was with her, and she… I hated her, because she reached out to him first, and that is only a short list of everything that I had to experience. Anyways, I can that people can be sh*t. I know it very well. But what I realized – that there are still good people, people like me: who hates to lie, hates to hurt others. I realized that some of people are sick and some of them does the right thing, even when it hurts you. What is the result of all this? Of course, I am not naïve, but I still trust people to a degree, I don’t cut them off. Finally, I got strong enough to start saying “no” when I need to, even though I still need to work on it more. As a result, I am friends with my mom’s ex, and she gives me a lot of good advices, takes me out for dinner, even though she hated me at first. I forgave my ex, and we are still dear people to each other. I am friends with her new girlfriend, even though I hated her so much (and she hated me in return), so now I will babysit their kitten, which I am looking forward too. I have friends. After going through so much sh*t, through the pain, I know that each of these people are “on a same wave with me”. They are with me. And nor me, nor they – will not hurt each other anymore. Well, I mean of course it might happen, life is unpredictable, but none of us has anything evil in our mind and that is good. I got new friends and each of them brought something nice in my life. Why not let it to counter some pain that was brought by the same people?  Harm already was caused, but why make even more harm, why bring more negativity into this world? It has enough! I believe that by my attitude I changed some people around me, showing them how it can be done and that peace is possible. I just wish more people would listen and would start to care and trust. That way less people will betray and less people will be too protective to let anyone close. I don’t have many readers, but I wish to create something like a club “positive people”. I don’t know if that name is taken already, that is just a thought. I don’t think anyone will join, but just as a conclusion, from my experience – it is better to make friends, than enemies! Be cautious, respect yourself over anyone else, but stay positive!    


My little prize!

Little things are still important things 😁  I won a SMM Event: Stir The Witch’s Cauldron and got this as a prize!
Now this little witch lives in my house, in her handmade frame 😀

<- cute, isn’t it? 😊  Don’t forget to enjoy even little things and little achievements, because that’s the way to build a happy life! And life is amazing 😉








Thank you for the opportunity! And Eilidh Morris  for her art!