There are many things that can help with depression: seeing a counselor, antidepressant pills, reading motivational books/blogs, hanging out with friends, new hobby. I would suggest to try them all, starting from the end of the list and see at what point you will feel better. As humans, we can heal, so if we will let ourselves – we will! After going through step 1 and 2 (previous posts in this topic), it is time to start changing something. We already decided that we want to live, and live a better life, and we (hopefully) found out why exactly we were miserable. Now time to try and heal the pain, because if you really want something, it will happened, especially if it is inside of our own heads. Personally, my depression was (still is) so deep and heavy, that hobby, friends or reading didn’t help me that much. Why? Not because it is useless, but because on my own, I refused to believe in that, I couldn’t bear negativity and assumption that everything will fail (again…and again). In the end I did online depression screening, which gave me results of severe depression. I wasn’t surprised. Today I went to see my doctor, took one more depression screening there. At first she didn’t want to, but after seeing results she prescribed me pills, starting a half of a pill daily. I feel that it should help and push me forward, even if it would be a placebo effect. I must warn those, who seeks for an easy way out – pills can lead to a suicide (irony!) or a heavy addiction, so it should be your last resort. Counselor would be better, but I simply don’t have money for it. I must admit, writing my blog helped me, but to a degree. I still couldn’t focus on studying, I was crying every other day and suicide did seem tempting sometimes, so I will try out pills and let know how it will go. Important message here is that there are always multiple ways to ease your pain. I also found out that when I talk to people who is in a similar situation as I am, I feel urge to comfort them and see all possibilities in their lives to make it better, and in the end it makes me happier, when I could help. If somebody out there is in need, I am always happy to be a “free counselor”, if person just need to say something outloud. Here is no judgment. I know how important it is to tell the truth to someone who will understand. Don’t lose hope, because while we breathe, there is always a possibility for something better.
Update, August 10th: One week on pills, and I can tell that they help. BUT help how? They don’t make you happy, but they take away this edge, this pain. I still feel empty, but now I don’t cry every day, I don’t want to kill myself, so it is a progress. Now it is a good time to find something that actually makes me you happy: grow and develop, so I hope that I can succeed in this, at least somehow.