Nea Kris

Let the pain flow

Page Four. When Chaos knocks on your door.

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Pages flew fast under Tommy’s fingers. Stories and notes here and there, some very short, some pretty long. He didn’t care about those right now. He looked for a specific story, until he finally found it.

I can’t believe that we made it! I am here, in the freaking Linnbrook! I feel like I grew up so fast, I am on my own now, I am an adult and I have a family! Who knew that that morning at the coffee-shop and small talk with a random stranger will lead to this?! And now I am at his house. It is so much bigger than my old apartment: huge living room, huge kitchen, “office”, two bedrooms and two bathrooms. Interior has light beige walls and dark wooden frames everywhere. A little bit dark, but I still love it in here! Maybe later I will be able to play a designer? At least on the second floor and add some bright colors. Which leads me to wonder, when I will be able to call myself Mrs. Jackson? I hope he will propose to me on the 14th, the latest!  

Note was dated as September 10th. Their relationship was developing fast, no doubts about that. Still, no sign of any disaster yet, but since she was “on her own now”, it seemed that he was close. Now Tommy knew something about the house where she lived, even though there was no description on how the house looked from outside. Mr. Jackson… that sounded fake for some reasons, like it was too corny to be true. This note was short, so there was another on the same page. October 15th… That was a big gap between them. She didn’t feel like writing before?

Hello, diary. Didn’t write here for a while, but now I feel an urge to share my thoughts, at least with you, paper. It was silly of me to think that fairy tale can be real. Of course, there must be something wrong, it is never only goody-good. He is working a lot during evenings and even nights… I don’t think he is cheating on me, but now I start questioning myself where he gets his money? He says he has business, but what kind of business? He doesn’t share with me and I feel like he doesn’t trust me. Can he love me, if he doesn’t trust me? I would accept anything unless he is like a…. hitman? Killing people as his job? I just want him to be honest with me. I should try to talk to him again.

On a bright side, I found this place “Yogy-Frozy” and I have to say, that it the best frozen yogurt I’ve ever tried! I will even attach a picture (was trying our new 

 printer. Technology is amazing nowadays). So maybe that is a sweetness that I needed? It reminds me of my life… when it is so good, sweet and soft, it melts fast and “dies out”. After all, probably it was too selfish of me to think that everything will be just good: handsome guy (rich too, btw!), mutual love, I am young and beautiful, and we will live happy ever after? Right. Life must be balanced.

 For every happy moment you have to pay, and honestly, if life is balanced, I am afraid. What price I will have to pay for such a great happiness I had? I saw how many lives turned into nothing, after it seemed to be so good. It made me afraid of happiness. I was always looking for “something off”, I was always expecting a life-trap. And this? This relationship was the only time when I lost my head, when I let myself be so happy, and look where it is going? To something very-very bad. Will he be arrested? I don’t know what to expect, but I feel like the water in the ocean pulls back. You don’t see it yet, but it is a strong sign of upcoming tsunami. But since I don’t see it yet, I don’t want to yell “wolves!” just yet, so I stay quiet for my family and

 friends. What can I tell them? He is working until 3 a.m.? Yeah, try to guess what they will reply. I have to try and talk to him again first.       

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