Question #1. Do I really want to die?
As one of the things to try, in order to fix myself, I am taking time to isolate myself from outside world, especially from contacts that can disturb my emotional state. I am taking this time to analyse what I am doing and why I am doing this. This is important if I want to fix my world-view and how I feel. I need to come to agreement with myself, and I would recommend to do it to everyone else, who is in a hard life position; if you are not sure that this life worth to go thru. I also recommend to watch following video from youtube, which gave me an idea. My friend sent it to me. He personally was watching this guy’s (HotDamnIRock) YouTube channel, until a lot of bad things and deaths happened in HotDamnIRock’s life and he stopped making videos for a while. Later he came up with this video:
Hopefully it will help other people too.
First question that I’d (and I did) ask myself: “Am I really ready to end my life?” Like right now? Just cut myself, or take sleeping pills, or jump from the roof? I am ready to never see a day light again? Am I ready to leave people who loves me behind? There is always somebody who will care: parents, friends, even someone who might read your blog or Facebook page. Am I ready to shut down ANY opportunity in this world that still might be possible? Maybe job, maybe love, maybe just interesting experience (travel?). Think about it, because miracles happen – rarely, but there is a possibility. Maybe you might win a damn lottery? When you think about it all, I am sure that answer will be “no, I am not really ready”.
Next question is probably “how to live with this pain?” or “how to make this pain stop?”. For this, again, I hope that video above will be useful. And I will describe my experience in the next posts.