Nea Kris

Let the pain flow

Innocence

3 Comments

Have you ever thought about your past, when you were a child, and everything was so interesting, so pure, so nice? When your romantic interest was innocent? Do you hold those memories dearly? Do you smile? Or maybe it makes you sad? Those memories make me smile, but also make me sad, because I know they will never happen again. That time of innocence is gone. These pure emotions, sweet little romances… Time, when words made you blush, when touch of your hand made your heart go crazy. Do you remember your first kiss? How nervous you were? How did you feel when you got excited for the first time? I remember when I was wondering if boy liked me or not, and when he gave me that look, or (oh my god!) touched me (my hand or shoulder), I felt these butterflies in my tummy. I got an idea that he might like me! That he might want to kiss me! These feelings cannot be replicated. As a teenager, you always was looking for these opportunities to stay alone with your crush, to maybe kiss in a corner at the party. Silly and so amazing at the same time.
And what it became now? When you have all this experience in the world, when you know what exactly men or women want from you. When you were a teenager, you waited for a magical opportunity to stay with your crush alone, that’s why parties were a big deal. Now you can just text him/her and ask to get a cup of coffee. Depending on situation you even can ask them to go straight to your house to “watch Netflix”! NOT A BIG DEAL. We are all adults. We know that we like sex and there is no magic around it anymore. Most of men would like to get into your pants. Sometimes they want to have more than that…, but also get into your pants afterwards. You don’t even have to work hard on charming them. But where romance feets in here? Not you think about bills, possible family, genetic diseases and bills again. So romantic stuff are only for teenagers? I mean TRUE butterflies inside of you. Now to build your life you always have to think with your brains? Innocent feelings are gone in a way. Now they don’t excite you, because you know what will come next. Most likely something shitty, right? Yeah, he is not going to call back, he is a liar, and she is probably a slut, who has few men at the same time. Isn’t it sad? Would you like to get back to your young age? To feel it again? What is your most memorable moment? What you would like to repeat?
To be fair, I will answer my own question first. Of course, I wish to go back to that time and experience it all again. I have a couple of examples, but I chose this one: I already knew that me and my family will move to another country, so I didn’t have much time to do something that I wanted. I had a best friend, who had crush on me. My parents left to celebrate New Year somewhere, so I was all on my own. I invited my girlfriends and few of my classmates (boys), including my best friend. I picked a nice dress for that evening (you can call it sexy, even though usually I don’t wear those kind of clothes). Evening went very well, we were drinking and having a lot of fun. We played a spinning bottle, but nobody got even to the stage of making out. Finally bottle showed on me and then on my best friend, who I liked. I was thrilled. We supposed to make out, but somebody spoiled the fun, asked to go watch fireworks, refresh drinks, etc. That bothered me, and alcohol was talking inside of me too. So later, during the night (I knew that my classmates will leave soon) I found my best friend alone in the kitchen. I don’t remember what he was doing. Anyways, I collected all my braveness and came close to him. “I think we have an unfinished business” – I said, or some crap like that, and I kissed him! He was sitting at the table, so I bent over to kiss him from my standing position. That kiss was sweet… and then we heard somebody’s steps and stopped right away, pretending that nothing happened with a blushing cheeks. However, we couldn’t just quit like that… few glazed at each other (and I never could imagine that it will happen like that, it is all was new! It is all was desirable and unpredictable!) and here we go, slamming the door into my bedroom, making out in a crazy manner. And nope, there was no sex. Hands here and there, thirsty lips, but that’s it. My girlfriend interrupted us, screaming that we should not do anything stupid and with giggles we left the room. That was an incredible feeling that night, even though after boys left, I puked in a toilet, because I drunk a little too much of vodka.
What romantic moment of your youth would you want to remember forever and repeat?

3 thoughts on “Innocence

  1. Romantic moment to share?

    Perhaps it would be when I first saw the woman I would come to love.
    When I first saw her, a coworker at the time; I felt something stir in me, for one who never thought he’d find love.

    Though she just walked by, I felt my heart skip, at the flow of her hair, the look of focus in her eyes, drew me to her.

    So much so, that I, an antisocial fool, someone who for most of my life, avoided people, because they always just seemed to “want” and never give.

    I took he next opportunity to seek her out, and talk to her.
    It was clumsy, it was foolish, but she was kind and listened.

    And from here, I must cheat, because every moment I spent by her side was a thrill in itself.

    Talking to her, expanded my views of the world, watching her move, watching her graceful steps, or her playful smile.
    Each moment I spent with her, I felt at home.

    I went out of my way then, to always have what she needed(which more often then not was chocolate), to walk and talk with her, to share important holidays with her and…even to touch her body, with the tenderness of a lover.

    I can’t choose one time, for in the last seven years I have known her, I have always felt that thrill, that passion and that love.
    And…when I started, when we spoke, sex was the furthest thing from my mind.

    Before me was a woman who’s heart was so fascinating, who’s views on life and philosophy was so unique…I loved her first as a friend, and as the years passed, Themis foolish, antisocial boy, grew into a man; who could love this woman, as a lover.

    Regardless of the pain, the uncertainty, the fear. Because she is the woman I have loved, I always seek times to be with her, to be alone by her side, even like kids.

    My entire love, is one of passion, one of thrills and one of struggle.

    I can’t choose a single time.
    Because my “romance” continues.
    I hope in your life, you too can come to believe in an eternal love.
    It’s out there Kris 😉

    Like

  2. There is one moment actually, that stands out in my mind, now that I’ve had time to think about it.

    It was when I was with my beloved, just playing lol and other games, late into the night.

    She had called me out, asking for me to supply her with flavored cigarettes (vanilla, I believe).

    When I arrived, pack in hand, I saw her with this face pack on.

    It was funny, seeing the “behind the scenes” to her beauty.

    We stayed outside, talked for a while and I accidentally spilled her drink, which was sitting by our feet.

    She forgave my clumsiness and we went inside.

    From there, we laughed, we games and we flirted. I had to “take the reigns” of her game more than once as she ran to the bathroom to pee.

    We drank, a lot.
    I had at least three or four shots of vodka, although not being an experienced drinker I was terrible at pouring drinks, so I gave her more than I really intended to…

    As we played, I found myself drawn to her competitive soul.

    When she removed the mud pack, I was there, to help her as I could. And it was an interesting endevour, although it was hard to take off, so I learned a few new swear words from her that night.

    At about three in the morning, the last bus was gone.

    I though she gave me the chance to leave, I refused, as spending time with her was much more valuable than sleep.

    It was soon after that though, that I was overcome with my emotions, with my love, and a little drunk.

    So I took her in my arms, it wasn’t really meant to be sexual; I just needed to hold her.
    Because in my heart, there were no others in this world.

    I could feel her heart, I felt the heat of her body against mine and I swore then, to always be by her side, come what may.

    I won’t go into further details that night, there was no sex, it wasn’t really my objective.
    But that night was the first time, I felt so close to her, and I made my vow that night, to be by her side.

    To me, my heart races at every moment, but that night was a special moment. One I will remember, and cherish.

    Like

Share you thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s