Tommy sat back for a second, thinking where he should look next. He didn’t really have any social life, so he had time to read more. He thought about scars on the heart from a diary. Isn’t it how it always starts? Something about love? Love which transforms into pain. Books, movies and songs, they all had it in them, because love is a great power. Love is something that everyone seeks, and afraid at the same time. Love can create and can destroy, because love is stronger than a human. Love brings you true joy, or take it away forever… However, that was only Tommy’s assumptions from what he heard or saw. He never experienced love himself. Even his parents’ love was missing from his life. Of course, he knew mother’s love when he was little, but that ended when the rusty little car disappeared forever. He never had a girlfriend. He kissed few times, in a dark corners, where troubled teens liked to drink stolen booze, but that was a rare occasion. He didn’t feel comfortable around people, but sometimes he wanted to have some interaction. He wanted to feel “normal” for a night.
He still remembered how he was walking down the street, and there few kids were drinking in a dark alley. He saw few of them before: some of them run away from home, as he did, some of them just liked to be a troubled kids. They invited him to join them and he did so. He didn’t like taste of alcohol, when bottle got into his hands, but he made few chugs anyways, because that what was everyone else doing. They played music and laughed. It was a nice night, it felt so good. With a light buzz in his head, he even said few jokes and others liked them. Or maybe they were too drunk? Who knows. In the end they played this “spinning bottle” game, where bottle got spanned on a dirty ground and he got his first kiss. He was nervous, blood rushed to his ears first and then somewhere lower. After game was over, they kissed more with this girl with cute haircut, next to the concrete wall and he liked it a lot. For the first time in his life he felt real desire and real warmness in his heart. Nothing else happened that night, but he was happy and he worked with his hand later at home… Tommy lightly shook his head and looked back at the diary. No point to think about the past. That girl returned home soon after and he never saw her again.
So, love then… Tommy flipped pages backward, until he finally saw what he was looking for. Page with many hearts all over it. That was funny how predictable it can be. First part of the page was very hard to read, all ink got smudged, like extra drops of water worked on it. Could it be… tears? Tommy shrugged, even though nobody was nearby. Normally he would take book to read in a library, because it was more bright there… happier. In this case he didn’t feel comfortable enough. He felt like he had someone’s big secret, like a pulsating soul essence and he could not show it to anyone, or it would turn into ashes.
Tommy found a line from where he could read the best.
Oh my God, I was never so happy in my life!…