Nea Kris

Let the pain flow

Scars

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Scars… everyone has at least one scar: on your body or on your heart. I have many scars in all shapes and depth. My heart probably has more scar-tissue than anything else, but those scars are invisible to strangers, so they are not interested in them. What about physical scars? I heard people are embarrassed by them, or I heard as others say that scars are “ugly”. Depending on the scar of course, but I don’t understand why would they think so? Each of my scars is a story, each of them is telling who I really am and what I went thru. I have many scars on my body, but the biggest one, the one I heard being called ugly once is my dearest scar. I did it to myself, because I was in pain and others probably thought that I was weak, but I don’t care. I was in pain, I was bleeding from inside, so I just expressed this pain. This scar defines that yes, I was crippled (I could not walk well for at least two weeks), the pain cut thru me, leaving this scar, which will never heal. This scar, which still itches, even though a year had passed. This is like a tattoo, just more truthful, without any beatifications. I am proud of my scars, they are scars of battle with life. Yes, I am not the best warrior, that is for sure, but I am trying. I am still trying to fight this lost fight… 

Tommy lifted his eyes and looked thru the window, over the brick cold wall. Why did these words sound so confident and desperate at the same time? Like she was a gladiator who is going to fight an unbeatable beast called Life and she knew it. How old was she? Why would she express herself thru scars? Tommy pulled up his sleeve to look at his scar. His dad threw a car detail at him once, which cut his hand deeply close to his elbow and the scar was still there. Tommy never hurt himself, probably because his dad took this duty into his own hands and was happy to work on it. That was not the only scar he had and he was still missing a tooth. He always tried to hide his scars, but maybe she was right. They are his history, they are what made him who he is now, independent individual, who had skeletons in his closet, which won’t let him to move any further in his life. Tommy looked at his scar, touched it with his fingers. She was right, there is no reason to hide them, because they are there and not going anywhere.

Tommy looked back at the diary. Poor girl. Why so many people must suffer from other people? He needs to find out why there is blood on those pages. That was not something that she did to herself this time. Mysterious THEY did this to her.

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